Shouting Happiness

We are so influenced by our surroundings, if you’re unique and different, you’re weird. Fitting in is our first priority, being popular is second.

Sometimes if we keep telling ourselves the lies, it seems like they become the truth. We are so numb by the lies that we choose to believe them. Until we dig deeper, and find the real problems and struggles behind the lies, then we realized, we have been blinded by ourselves for so long. We are the victim and the attacker.

I never succeed in fitting in or being popular, I never tried. Because people won’t like me and they won’t accept me. The lies are I don’t want to be popular or fit in or have tons of friends, the lied are I don’t envy those who are, the lies are I don’t care. And slowly they become the truth, but they’re not. You follow?

I’ve made my decision and I won’t be moved. Don’t convince me. Your words only spell out the fact that I made a wrong decision but I choose to believe I didn’t.

The lie is I never liked dances.
Where in the Bible does God tell us to go to school dances? Heh, let’s just stay home and spend some QT with God. I want to shine, not with glitter make up, or beautiful hair, dresses and shoes, but shine from within with joy, love, and peacefulness.

One night is just one night. However long we last will be memories. And God is forever.

Marcus’s first day at work! He looks so spiffy in his ..apron! Alfy and I went to visit him even though he told us not to, but I convinced him…well I actually just went without telling him. It was cool having him serve us though and the food were pretty good too! (: I was a satisfy girl for dinner!

Went back to my craze for make-up, did a little online shopping today and realized I’m really short on money! I guess no more shopping for this month!

Dieting has been so hard…took Crysta out to lunch at McDonald, and I had to endure the pain of watching her eating french fries, nuggets and ice cream sundae with chocolate hot fudge! But eating healthy is pretty cool too though, been craving some healthy salad recently ! :D

LOVING PROVERBS! God’s Word is truly amazing!

Marcus is sad and whining about that he won’t see my for the next couple of days, HE IS A CUTAYY, and is mine! TROLOLO <3

This one is dedicated to my sister who lives in Boston and is not sleeping at 1:30 in the morning.

Yesterday was an interesting day. Feels good to cry, felt like I haven’t cry in a long time. Tears of disappointment. Disappointment of myself. I realized how distant I am from God and how little desire I have to seek Him more. I realized I am the stumbling block of my own future. College apps on the way and I have no desire to complete it. I knew I could’ve done better, but I sacrificed school to dwell in the junk I was in. How stupid of me, right? 

Made declarations with Winnie that I would pray every night before I sleep and I would really focus on my practice in piano. Fasting on TV with Winnie for three weeks. It’s gonna be tough but today is the first day and it was okay. The time used to spend on TV was spent on reading the Bible, read Song of Songs, and Nahum today. AND MY DIET STARTS TODAY! With Marcus of course, till the end of the year. 

Marcus thought my ability of waking up at 4 in the morning to read Cuckoo’s Nest AND fold his laundry for him is impressive. Yes, he did his laundry at my house but didn’t finish so I had to finish it for him.

ANJELAH, is it weird that I think it’s totally weird to call him my boyfriend? BLAHHHH, I just think it’s really bizarre to call him THAT. He’s just…Marcus !

Remember I told you “if I’m not your girlfriend, I don’t want to be anyone else’s girlfriend?” 

You caught me, I still have hope. I still wish that one day things will be different. But a girl can only pretend for so long; a girl can only put on a fake smile for so many times. I am exhausted. I am so exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.

I broke down 7 times within less than 24 hours, what does that say about me? What does it say about how much I like this guy? Crazy stuff huh? I think it’s pretty funny and ridiculous at the same time. Two years and still counting…

But all is well RIGHT NOW. Talked to Ashley Dumbshit Wang made me feel better. So I promised dumbshit I’d end this with something on a lighter note. So here goes nothing…

I threw up everything I ate today during lunch, for some reason my body rejected the delicious Dim Sum I had for lunch, WEIRD. AHAHAHHAHAHAH!